Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
