Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
