I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
