That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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