I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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