Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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