Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
