she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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