i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i out mim tonsoeep
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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