i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Panties = found
Randomize
