I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Operation Purity has been aborted
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
