just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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