there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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