he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Damn victory sex feels great
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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