see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize