Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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