dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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