I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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