This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize