Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
