erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need to align my fucking chakras
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
