Pants 0. Shit 1.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
