we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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