Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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