Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
