Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
