lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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