Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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