thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
