I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
