I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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