Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
