hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
