if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize