Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
