he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
