In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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