so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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