I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im calling her cock vulture from now on
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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