I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
