Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
