there was a trapeze. enough said
I just gift wrapped bread.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize