she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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