My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
jump out the window naked night went bad
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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