I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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