New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pants are for mortals
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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