the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize