just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He felt like a one man threesome
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
