i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have aggressive nipples.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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