I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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