Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
