Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
