my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize