I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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