I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
