Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
