phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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