why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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