Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
