grandma shit on top of the toilet
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
