just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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