all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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