i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
