So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize