so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
