Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
