Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
