the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
