i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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