ugly people sure do ruin things
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
