The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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