I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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