I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
