i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
