Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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