...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
