I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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