I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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