Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
