Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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