so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
