she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So many bounce houses so little time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
