Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
