I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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