I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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