i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
