im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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