She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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