puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
