well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
