im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
