i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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