You made me cry and you don't even care
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
