i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
