He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize