I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
