Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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