Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
