You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
