that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
