she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize