I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
