it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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