i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
