So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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