i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
