Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
