I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
