Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
