Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
