I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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